The Trials of Being Me

Been a long time

2010-03-28T23:31:00.004-04:00

So it has been quite some time since I have done this blogging thing. I decided that no one reading or commenting on it should not matter and if nothing else, my random thoughts and feelings are written for me to feel better. At my heart, I am a writer and as such need to start exercising my talents more.

So the big news this week- I got accepted into the Master's program at Rhode Island College in Providence. I am still a little disappointed that I was not able to get into the advanced standing program. It adds more money and time than I had anticipated but the important thing is that I got in and the backseat that I have been taking to my life- well the first step towards the driving seat is happening. The other news is that as of July- I could be jobless. The State of CT is looking to cut funding to mental health programs and with even 3 years under my belt at my current agency, I am the lone woman on the totem pole. Not going to overly worry about it now. There have been so many rumors with budget issues that I will have to face it when and if it becomes a reality.

So I have passed the age of 26, officially turning 27 a few weeks ago. I am trying not to let it get to me- this idea of passing the age of when I thought everything would be started- a marriage, kids, and certainly did not still see myself living in my same bedroom that I had for 26 and 1/2 years staring at the same faded wallpaper. That of course is the funny thing about dreams- they don't evolve, they just fade.

On the notion of dreams however, one dream, hopefully will make it to fruition this year. My family plus my 78 year old blind grandfather are officially making our first trek to Fenway. I am very excited to finally go to the ball park of the gods. Seeing the Soxs for the first time last year was bloody brilliant but you miss something going to the game by yourself in a different country(well Canada but still) I am so enthralled about seeing the Green Monster up close, singing Sweet Caroline, and trying not lose it completely when "Shipping Up" starts. Or act like a complete fan girl if we are lucky enough to be anywhere near left field. (As we are going on a bus trip with a local town, we won't know where the seats are until that day. An added bonus is spending some time with the brother without his g/f. It is a rarity.

My new tattoo is almost healed. I do not suggest getting on on top of your foot when your work policy is no open toed shoes. It made for an interesting week. So the Celtic knot shamrock with the Boston B is going to be my last one for a while. Until the bestie pressures me into another one.

And now that the prints from the aquarium trip I took with one of the best friends and their adorable son are done loading. I am off to bed. I will leave you with a pic from this great outing...

~Ranger Babe (Jen)

That Time of Year-Wild Card

2010-01-04T23:06:00.003-05:00

This is the time of the year that people start to make goals and plans for the new year. I say fuck the new year. I have no goals, hopes or dreams for the new year.

Dreaming only wounds the heart

. I would like to finish my application for grad school and be accepted but I cannot buckle down, write my essay, email professors, budget, or fill out the application. I do stuff like this every day all day with clients and I just cannot do it when I get home. So yea. That is what my comment is on '10.

Now the other thing that is this time of year: NFL Playoffs. The injury to Wes Welker hurt the Pats but I think, playing at home against the Ravens is a better chance than having to go on the road. But it will remain to be seen if Edelman can fill Welker's cleats and if Moss can you know, hang onto the bloody ball. Or if the Ravens can produce offence like last year. And the rest of wild card weekend-I hate the Jets and hope that the Bengals were just out of sync Sunday and did not want to show them too much. However, I am not that hopeful- as a Colts fan I do not want to face the Jets D. As for the NFC- Green Bay/Arizona holds no appeal for me but it would be nice to Kurt Warner continue success, however, the prospect of Vikings/Packers is so much more exciting. As for Cowboys/Eagles- I could care less. I dislike Andy Reid and McNabb and they will prob choke but the same can be said for the Cowboys, it is a playoff game and no matter how they looked on Sunday, Romo will make some dumbass decisions. Either way, it makes no difference to me.

After the success of my first foray into fantasy sport netted me a league victory is baseball, it is sad that in the football playoff bracket, I lost in the 1st round and played for third place this week. However, bittersweet to be playing one of the boys from the office. I won my division at 9-4 and came in third. Not bad for my first year at all.

Before I head to bed and end my rambles for the evening-
just a quick comment about Mike Lowell and the Red Soxs. Whatever happens Mikey, thank you. You were always a comfort to watch in the box, knowing you would come through when we needed a hit and your smiling face in the dugout (except when you got to close to Slutney) While I still hop you will play for the Sox in '10, with Beltre signing today, it remains doubtful.

On this note, I conclude for the evening.

~No one mourns the Wicked~

Return of a Computer

2009-11-18T22:43:00.002-05:00

Thanks god my new laptop is up and running. It took a freakin month. Damn Geek squad. But being the most awesomenest daughter, I purchased all new computers from Best Buy for the whole fam. Fabulous. So other than wishing that my old laptop was semi recoverable, it is like having an all new ipod and such again. I just lost a lot of information and ugh, baseball pictures which make me sad, however, they are still on Walmart's website so happy Jen.

There is sooo much to share in my month away but after a wicked crazy work schedule the last few days, I am going to leave with I am back and better than ever. Mike and Mike in the am. hehehe

I might blog early Friday am on New Moon as I am in line tomorrow @ 10 pm. lol. Check me out on twitter to hear me bitchin about tweens in line.

Do I? The song of moment.

2009-10-18T23:48:00.003-04:00

So it has been awhile. Since last post: I hit another car-who drove away from the scene with no damage, I walked into a crime scene, I had a horrid yet freakin' hilarious prank pulled on me by D and S from work. I had a flat tire with my grandparents in the car and instead of calling one of my best friends who lived 5 min away, I waited for 45 mins for Triple A and had my dad come pick up the old people. Work has been so busy that even when I set new limits with clients, it doesn't help me get back on track with the ever growing list of paperwork. A friend I know and used to love is driving me insane. I keep playing an immense game of phone tag with my only "normal" friend. No one supports a vacation for me on my own- like the only worse thing I could do is get killed in a painful way. The mother trucking Red Soxs not only lost but got swept by those asshole Angels that are currently shooting themselves in the foot against the Skankees and look like a NL team. Ugh. The rug burns from my collapse on the floor are healing. I cannot seem to buckle down and get my master's application completed or even started. I want and need to do this but thoughts are being misdirected constantly. I spent almost a month trying to fix itunes to burn Cd's before I figured it out. J is driving me nuts and D and S are not helping by filling my head with great romantic thoughts. Like I need more encouragement. Brother and his blondie are just on this side of annoying which I prob would not have such an issue with if my bro was not so clueless on his impact in my life. The point of asking to go to a movie or do some activity together is to not then include your girlfriend. Some separation will not kill you both. Ugh. Parental units have been a mixed bag mostly because their physical issues have been taking a huge lump on both of their morals. My married besties are their silent selves which is to be expected. Sometimes it is too much work being the only one making the effort. Which of course leads back to the the friend I know and love who has returned to a slightly older way of communicating and about a subject that I know longer follow but brings back soundly and without mercy of a time in my life that I can say I was truly happy- of a year that I had almost everyone supportive around, of 8 hour phone calls and believing that this time was different. Of winter treks to across campus and laying out in the snow under the stars. Of pizza and old time video games of and of naps and soccer and of sticker charts and special cups. Of just knowing that as shitty and crazy a week could be we always had Saturday- Things that after that year changed and continue to change in ways I never thought possible and losses so intense it continues to chip away pieces of my shattered soul.
Okay so that last rant was a bit dramatic but sadly no less true on some days. With the past so firmly circulating through my mind, it is no wonder that concentration and motivation to open another chapter is so very hard. I too much like re-reading the old one then ever moving on. Not when the past is too firmly in the present.

And on that note; I go back to listening to the song that has been on repeat for the last 2 hours and the title of my post... Luke Bryan- Do I?

To the night and to dreams that do not end with my grisly death scene

~Rangerbabe

gasp An Update?

2009-09-07T00:17:00.003-04:00

I think that it has been way too long since I updated. I think i seriously need to have this outlet to get thoughts out of my mind since I have been a pent up bottle of some serious rage lately.

I think I will recap in general:

Canada Vacation: It was something. I hope that the bestie enjoyed it and mostly I had a good time. The road trip part was fun but I prob should not have been as stubborn about the driving. I should have taken a break. There was this killer stretch of highway in upstate New York that we traveled like some 300 miles. It was like 50 miles between exits. It got freakin' nuts- we were so overtired that roadsigns were funny. And, every time we saw one that has something to do with another country, we decided that we would keep track and tour the world. Like I said overtired. Overall though, I suppose it was a good trip-and I only fell and marred myself once.
The Game: Lord, I love the Soxs and going to my very first game was nothing less of amazing. I was sad I missed Josh's performance by one day and I was soooo sad that I didn't get to see Pedey since Kelly had the baby and I love him even more after reading his book. Which I highly suggest. Jacboy hit a triple and was on the bag forever in my stalking, I mean viewing line, and it was great. More like tons of, to borrow from a fellow tweeter and RedSox megafan, awesomesauce. We won, saw some homeruns and managed to travel by cab safely and soundly
Work-been insane. There is just no other words for it. I shouldn't even had taken a vacation since I worked like 95 hours in the two weeks I came back trying to get caught up. It really has been nuts. At least the full moon will be waning soon
True Blood- honestly the best part of the summer. It has been so intense, so edge-of-your seat that the hour of the show has become more honored than any other right now.

I cannot think of any other major highlights of summer life. Concert going was at the bare min. as we only saw Keith. My other two best friends son had his first birthday and is looking sooo much like his mother it is ridiculous. I actually spent the evening with them tonight and I have not laughed like that in such a long time. The fricking kid is just so adorable.

Also tonight it appears that my stupidness holds no bounds- I ran over and THANKFULLY- did not injure anything important; the wooden pole that has marked our driveway for my entire life. Messed up the plastic part of my bumper a bit but other than that, and the stress the sound made on my parental units, no real harm done. I almost peed my pants laughing about it after the assessment though. So my hands are cramping up again so I am going to end this with a song-

Don't stop believin' ~Glee Cast- love this show aleady!

Night;

Ranger Babe

Keith and Jason @ CMT Awards- Yummy!

2009-06-17T01:17:00.004-04:00

http://www.time.com/time/video/?bcpid=1485842900&bctid=26093533001

My goddess has an interview on here that not only made me laugh but highly interested. Makes me wish I would suck it up and drive to Jersey on vacation next week but you know- Canadian road trip pending and all that.

So I bit the bullet, twice in recent days in fact. Today, I randomly and interestingly informed Jase of my year long crush and the utter devastation he inflicted however oblivious. He of course, was very interested and suddenly highly aware of it now. So sad but the other interesting gossip I supplied him-well the swinging and the divorce were just enough to make him go hmm. Gotta love the man's obliviousness to everything in the office of interesting.
Though it should be told that the word horse followed by the "manly" giggle by the other boys is just getting disturbing. But I digress from my bullet biting point. So I went ahead this weekend and decided to go ahead and spend the money (I'm using the payback money finally paid to me from a friend from a trip 3 or 4 years ago) and see what develops in Eharmony-thus far; the conclusion that it is so not worth the money and is, if I dwelled on it at all, depressing the shit out of me. True love, my ass.

Moving on, True Blood season 2 on Sunday. Ah-mazing!

Soxs winning tonight-fantastic
Ramirez making a stupid base running play- justice
Me being able to sing my ode to Papi cause he hit a homer-priceless

I need not to be allowed to go online shopping when I b home. Though the awesomness of the Transformers tee shirt I purchased will live on forever. '80s tees.com- greatly endorsed. 3 business days and no extra fees-love it. Revenge of the Fallen in theaters June 24th.

Digressing back to my Jase thoughts- he sees me as a marketable person but has to find my niche- I would be scared if not for the fact that I got to stare into those baby blues while he prattled on. Over the crush doesn't mean I cannot appreciate him! Right?

Following Jacoby's g/f on Twitter provides a lot of good info but makes me want to dislike hr less. Tho stating that she was off to dinner with Jacoby, David and Tiffany (papi's wifey) produced an few interesting dreams on my end.

The list for Canadia keeps getting longer.

I should head off to bed now as the lap top is getting too hot, the clock is reading 1:39am at this point and even though I am the oldest and therefore not special grandchild, I am still sacrificing my time and work time I could be getting paid to take my grandfather to the barber shop in the am to cut the three hairs that he can't even see ( as he is a blind man now) but is somehow severely annoying him for an adoption hearing for the aunt that is, um, how do you put it, a controversial topic in my immediate household-then I have a planned light day of clients but it includes more cleaning of 3 years worth of dishes and stockpiled crap to clean. Oh, and a to-do list to complete before 5pm Friday when the office doors lock and my three day vacation starts.
Oh the drama-

"A lot of teams when you're fast, they don't want to throw you balls" ~Jacoby, MLB.com 2 wks ago.

Profound man.

The motion light just went off behind the house and I have to check for criminals-don't see or hear nothing, Stupid country side and it's bloody animals.

Bed now.

Peaceful sleep-
JM

Snippets

2009-06-13T22:33:00.002-04:00

Long week.

Clients are either overly demanding, disappeared, or being annoying. Worse than usual.

Soxs swept the Skankees. It was a beautiful thing. Jacoby is back in the line up and not hurt no more. Still third on the fantasy team.

Decided not to do the online thing. Just doesn't work in the fairy tale thing you know? Or maybe I will. I don't know. So I did

Think that is it for now. Stay tuned

I had so much to say

2009-06-04T00:40:00.003-04:00

I had this great wordage planned but after researching bloody passport crap and trying to get the photos done to the standards. I feel the need for crashing and not writing. Look for more tomorrow. I hope.

A Nice but Unproductive Weekend

2009-05-25T22:46:00.003-04:00

So all in all, this long weekend wasn't too bad. Due to the weather, we were unable to paint the deck and accomplish the needed yard work. Due to pure laziness and the rediscovery of HP fan fiction I continue to only get done 1/3 of the needed items to complete in my room; though I was unable to tackle the removal of needed items in the closet,I made room for the new clothes in both places and will continue to avoid getting rid of shit. I did dust and complete bills which I suppose it some task accomplishing. I didn't have the urge to creatively write anything of substance nor was I able to complete the needed plea to Alex (webmaster and daughter of the Goddess of the Written Word, aka Janet Evanovich) though I am reconsidering if such a plea won't end in a legal action. LOL.
Red Soxs won today and Jack (cause that is the name of the man in the dream ;)) continued his hit streak, although he did display some poor error in judgement. It was sad to see Papi on the bench (has anyone else observed how pretty his face is) and I am not looking forward to seeing him move down the line-up but it is needed. Jason Bay was amazing today and Youk continues to give a big ole Fuck you to the doubters. I only hope that in Aug. that everyone plays cause I am going to be mighty disappointed if the favs are riding the pinewood @ my first ever game. I'm taking a god damn 8 hr road trip with a dog for cryin' out loud. (I love you best friend but seriously?!)

So I am hoping that this week allows me to get caught up on my paperwork in the office. I am behind and those familiar feelings of failing my demanding clients are creeping up. Have to remember that D and S are not in tomorrow and D doesn't return from Ireland until June 1st though I am looking forward to hearing about his vacation to the Emerald Island however, I do hope that he is better with the phrasing about banging his wife all over the country. The price I continue to pay being one of the guys.

Fantasy team in 6th place again for the weekend, Mauer getting that hit of Pap helped but not him sitting out the entire rest of the game. Talk about both cheering and cussing a freakin' storm.

Well time to make sure everything is in order for the am. Sleep better come tonight fast. At least it is much cooler.

Too Tired

2009-05-24T23:41:00.004-04:00

So much for displaying my awesomness. Nothing to say and wicked tired. Too stupid to go to bed when I am so engrossed in fan fiction. Ending with- Jac-o-by! Hit streak, record grasping, sexiest man to steal my dream state heart. Now if only Jack was a vamp.....*sigh* Dream on!

Idol and Criminal Minds*Spolier

2009-05-20T23:39:00.003-04:00

So I'm a newbie to this and I had a ton of things that I wanted to chat about from this crazy ass day but I just finished watching Criminal Minds and wiping the tears from my eyes on the ending.*Spoiler Alert* I hate cliffies and I cannot believe it ended with the freakin gunshot. I was literally sobbing. Meanwhile, Idol was a great show but wtf with Kris singing with my Keith. That is horrid but I couldn't hate it too much with side mouth signing because he is not the worse ever. But it was very disappointing that Adam did not win but I was very impressed to see the great niceness between the two of them. It is was great to see Allison hanging all over Adam as I have this weird obsession with their interactions. But seriously, too much emotion tonite. Then there was the game. I love my new interactions on the Center Field game threads but I just don't know how amused people are over there. Okay. That is it. I am down because it is dark out, the freaking little bugs keep attacking my screen and there are now gnat guts all over my lap top. So stay tuned for another exciting episode of me.