Do I? The song of moment.

So it has been awhile. Since last post: I hit another car-who drove away from the scene with no damage, I walked into a crime scene, I had a horrid yet freakin' hilarious prank pulled on me by D and S from work. I had a flat tire with my grandparents in the car and instead of calling one of my best friends who lived 5 min away, I waited for 45 mins for Triple A and had my dad come pick up the old people. Work has been so busy that even when I set new limits with clients, it doesn't help me get back on track with the ever growing list of paperwork. A friend I know and used to love is driving me insane. I keep playing an immense game of phone tag with my only "normal" friend. No one supports a vacation for me on my own- like the only worse thing I could do is get killed in a painful way. The mother trucking Red Soxs not only lost but got swept by those asshole Angels that are currently shooting themselves in the foot against the Skankees and look like a NL team. Ugh. The rug burns from my collapse on the floor are healing. I cannot seem to buckle down and get my master's application completed or even started. I want and need to do this but thoughts are being misdirected constantly. I spent almost a month trying to fix itunes to burn Cd's before I figured it out. J is driving me nuts and D and S are not helping by filling my head with great romantic thoughts. Like I need more encouragement. Brother and his blondie are just on this side of annoying which I prob would not have such an issue with if my bro was not so clueless on his impact in my life. The point of asking to go to a movie or do some activity together is to not then include your girlfriend. Some separation will not kill you both. Ugh. Parental units have been a mixed bag mostly because their physical issues have been taking a huge lump on both of their morals. My married besties are their silent selves which is to be expected. Sometimes it is too much work being the only one making the effort. Which of course leads back to the the friend I know and love who has returned to a slightly older way of communicating and about a subject that I know longer follow but brings back soundly and without mercy of a time in my life that I can say I was truly happy- of a year that I had almost everyone supportive around, of 8 hour phone calls and believing that this time was different. Of winter treks to across campus and laying out in the snow under the stars. Of pizza and old time video games of and of naps and soccer and of sticker charts and special cups. Of just knowing that as shitty and crazy a week could be we always had Saturday- Things that after that year changed and continue to change in ways I never thought possible and losses so intense it continues to chip away pieces of my shattered soul.
Okay so that last rant was a bit dramatic but sadly no less true on some days. With the past so firmly circulating through my mind, it is no wonder that concentration and motivation to open another chapter is so very hard. I too much like re-reading the old one then ever moving on. Not when the past is too firmly in the present.

And on that note; I go back to listening to the song that has been on repeat for the last 2 hours and the title of my post... Luke Bryan- Do I?

To the night and to dreams that do not end with my grisly death scene

~Rangerbabe